“I know exactly what I want in our next president, but look, we both know what’s going to happen if this interview ends up online: my Twitter account will be flooded with vulgar, misogynistic comments and brutal attacks on my appearance. I could talk about my thoughts on the economy or immigration, but the more thoughts I share, the more material I’m giving to some Reddit user who will tell me to perform the most perverse act he can think of and then tear into me for having an opinion—any opinion. So what’s the point of saying anything? Let’s just end this interview now.”

“I don’t like those presidential candidates. Not a single one of them. They just don’t value human life like you and I do. I ask myself all the time how anyone could believe all the barbaric things these people believe. They refuse to see any point of view other than their own, and they have no problem going around and blowing up people that aren’t like them. I know they’re out there plotting horrible things right now. I don’t want them anywhere near me. I’ve got a wife and kids—think of what they might do to my family.”

“I’m a single mom juggling three kids and a full-time job, so I don’t have time to listen to any long policy speeches. I know life’s going to get worse over the next four years, so the candidates need to just cut to the chase and tell me how shitty it’s going to get. Are you going to dick me over on my taxes? Dick me over on my kids’ medical bills? Dick me over on gas prices? I’m voting for whoever has the sack to come right out and say it.”