Best Of March 2016

1. 
   Scientists Slowly Reintroducing Small Group Of Normal, Well-Adjusted Humans Into Society

   
2. 
   Zoo Hosts Contest To Name Baby Of Pregnant Gift Shop Worker

   
3. 
   Obama Transformed Into 20-Foot-Tall Monster President After Being Doused With Job-Growth Chemical

   
4. 
   Toddler Figures It About Time To Shove Whole Plastic Easter Egg Into Mouth

   
5. 
   God Hurting After Eating 20-Piece Spicy Angel Wings

   

1. 
   Report: Most Parents Willing To Entrust Children To Anyone In Character Costume

   
2. 
   Nation Comes To Halt To Watch Crane Move Massive Concrete Tube

   
3. 
   Secretary Of Treasury Announces Plan To Remove Gross Penny From Circulation

   
4. 
   More Realistic Meat Substitute Made From Soy Raised In Brutally Cruel Conditions