Best Of February 2016

1. 
   Pizza Slice Only Has One Pepperoni

   
2. 
   Grandmother Palms Grandson $10 Like She Fixing Boxing Match

   
3. 
   Labor Secretary Letting 8 Million Unemployed Americans Crash At His Place Until They Get Back On Their Feet

   
4. 
   Parallel World Leaders Meet In Washington For Interdimensional Summit

   
5. 
   Obama Resigns From Presidency After Michelle Lands Dream Job In Seattle

   

1. 
   Report: Getting Out Of Bed In Morning Sharply Increases Risk Of Things Getting Even Worse

   
2. 
   Obama Compiles Shortlist Of Gay, Transsexual Abortion Doctors To Replace Scalia

   
3. 
   Mom Holds Knife To Throat Of Dinner Guest Who Offered To Help With Dishes

   
4. 
   High School Nurse Getting Pretty Good At Spotting Morning Sickness

   
5. 
   Report: Someone Needs To Get Chips And Dip Away From Area Man

   

1. 
   Middle-Aged Man In Gym Locker Room Puts Shirt On Before Underwear

   
2. 
   Takeout Burrito Shielded From Cold As Though It Were Week-Old Newborn