Area Man A Little Too Old To Have Obama Fever

Black Guy Asks Nation For Change

Obama, Clinton, McCain Join Forces To Form Nightmare Ticket

Obama Practices Looking-Off-Into-Future Pose

'Time' Publishes Definitive Obama Puff Piece

Obama's Hillbilly Half-Brother Threatening To Derail Campaign

Portrayal Of Obama As Elitist Hailed As Step Forward For African Americans

Obama Modifies 'Yes We Can' Message To Exclude Area Loser

Obama Suddenly Panicked After Gazing Too Far Into Future

Obama Promises To Stop America's Shitty Jobs From Going Overseas

Obama Deletes Another Unread MoveOn.org E-Mail

Obama Runs Constructive Criticism Ad Against McCain

Parents Of Obama Volunteer Couldn't Be More Proud, Sick Of Son

Obama Clinches 'Joe Cabernet Sauvignon' Vote

Obama Clinches 'Joe Cabernet Sauvignon' Vote

Obama Under Fire For Playing T-Ball During Vietnam

Southern Sheriff Pulls Over Obama Campaign Bus For Broken Taillight

Obama Purchases Ad Space On Side Of McCain’s Bus

Obama Undertakes Presidential Internship To Ease Concerns About His Lack Of Experience

'I Would Make A Bad President,' Obama Says In Huge Campaign Blunder

As Election Draws Near, Area Man Moves To All-Obama T-Shirt Rotation

Fleet Of Stem-Cell Container Trucks Ready To Go If Obama Elected

Obama Warns He May Cease To Exist Unless America Believes In Him

Obama's Record-Breaking Fundraising Effort Bankrupting NPR, World Wildlife Fund, ACLU

Black Man Given Nation's Worst Job

Hillary Clinton Resumes Attacking Obama

Obama Win Causes Obsessive Supporters To Realize How Empty Their Lives Are

Nation Finally Shitty Enough To Make Social Progress

Kobe Bryant Scores 25 In Holy Shit We Elected A Black President

International Con Man Barack Obama Leaves U.S. With $85 Million In Campaign Fundraising

U.S. Economy Continues Campaigning For Barack Obama

Barack Obama Defeats Barack Hussein Obama

Congress Debates Adding Elaborate Dance To Obama's Inauguration Ceremony

Inauguration Crowd Moves To White House Gates To Watch Presidency Happen

Obama Inauguration Speech Ruined By Incessant Jackhammering

Obama Disappointed Cabinet Failed To Understand His Reference To 'Savage Sword Of Conan' #24

Liberals Horrified By Lack Of Inexperience Among Obama Appointees

Per Tradition, Ex-Presidents Watch Obamas Christen White House Bed

Obama Debuts Annoying Catchphrase

Nation's Blacks Creeped Out By All The People Smiling At Them

Obama Peddling Stimulus Package Door-To-Door

Sasha Obama Keeps Seeing Creepy Bush Twins While Riding Tricycle Through White House

CIA Awkwardly Debriefs Obama On Creation Of Crack Cocaine

Obama Outfitted With 238 Motion Capture Sensors For 3-D Record Of Presidency

Obama Narrowly Survives Carnivorous Section Of Rose Garden

Area Man Just Realized He Doesn't Even Know When Barack Obama's Birthday Is

Obama Depressed, Distant Since 'Battlestar Galactica' Series Finale

2008 Tax Records Reveal Sasha Obama Made $136 In Allowance Money

Media Having Trouble Finding Right Angle On Obama's Double-Homicide

Unusually Level-Headed, Charismatic Lichen Species Named After Obama

In Attempt To Jump-Start Economy, Obama Declares Tuesdays Ladies' Night

Obama Addresses Nation Still Wearing Spock Ears

Obama Revises Campaign Promise Of 'Change' To 'Relatively Minor Readjustments In Certain Favorable Policy Areas'

Presidential Radio Address Pledge Drive In Its Final Day

Obama Drastically Scales Back Goals For America After Visiting Denny's

Michelle Obama's Arms Meet With Sri Lankan Refugees

President Obama Takes Ride In FDR's Wheelchair

Obama Announces Plans To Run For McCain's Senate Seat In 2010

Obama To Hold Job Performance Review With Every American Worker

Obama Axes Pentagon Plan To Build Billion Dollar Tank In Shape Of Dragon

Nation Descends Into Chaos As Throat Infection Throws Off Obama's Cadence

Weakling President Asks Imaginary Man In Sky To Bless Nation

Afterbirthers Demand To See Obama's Placenta

Obama Trying Out Social Policies In 'Second Life'

Poll: Happy, Healthy Obamas Out Of Touch With Miserable Americans

Obama: Health Care Plan Would Give Seniors Right To Choose How They Are Killed

Obama To Enter Diplomatic Talks With Raging Wildfire

Disapproving Michelle Obama To Be Printed On All Fast Food Containers

U.S. Continues Quagmire-Building Effort In Afghanistan

Obama's Declaration Of Swine Flu Emergency Prompts Pro-Swine-Flu Republican Response

Barack Obama Names Alan Moore Official White House Biographer

Obama's Home Teleprompter Malfunctions During Family Dinner

Obama Tells Nation He's Going Out For Cigarettes

Obama To Wait For Next Bruce Springsteen Album For Word On Economy

Obama's Embarrassing Ska Album Resurfaces

Obama Caught Lip-Syncing Speech

'What The Fuck Am I Going To Do With This?' Obama Says While Holding Alabama Jersey

Obama Visits Kindergarten To Read Class 200-Page Memorandum On Health Care

Obama Promoted To Senior Vice President Of American Affairs

White House Jester Beheaded For Making Fun Of Soaring National Debt

President Obama Mentions He'd Like To See LeBron James In Chicago, Also That He's Leader Of The Free World

Obama To Make Reassuring Eye Contact With Every Last American

Obama's College Apartment On The Market

Obama's Weekly Video Addresses Becoming Increasingly Avant-Garde

Obama's Fifth Gulf Coast Visit Really Helps A Lot

Local Family Homeless After Tornado Destroys White House

Visiting Chinese PM Presents Obama With 'The Expendables' On DVD

Obama Declares Victory, Sort Of, Depending On How You Look At It, In Iraq

Obama To Create 17 New Jobs By Resigning And Finally Opening That Restaurant

Obama Blasted By Cool, Refreshing Air

Obama Releases 500,000 Men From U.S. Strategic Bachelor Reserve

Poll: 1 In 5 Americans Believe Obama Is A Cactus

Stresses Of White House Causing Bo To Go Prematurely Gray

Has Obama Failed To Reduce Hostility Toward Obnoxious Americans Abroad?

Obama To Take Break From Stumping To Preside Over United States

Obama Returns From India With These Gross Candies For Everyone

Obama Replaces Costly High-Speed Rail Plan With High-Speed Bus Plan

Obama Outlines Moral, Philosophical Justifications For Turkey Pardon

Frustrated Obama Sends Nation Rambling 75,000-Word E-Mail

Obama: Aside From All The Weirdos And Freaks Around Here, The State Of The Union Is Strong

Republicans Vote To Repeal Obama-Backed Bill That Would Destroy Asteroid Headed For Earth

Obama Pushes Job Creation

Obama Delivers Whispered, Untelevised Speech On Gun Control

Marauding Gay Hordes Drag Thousands Of Helpless Citizens From Marriages After Obama Drops Defense Of Marriage Act

White House To Hold Second Auditions This Week For Nationwide Production Of 'Guys And Dolls'

Obama Orders Guantánamo Prisoners Transferred To Next President

Obama's Deficit-Reduction Plan Includes Spending Cuts, Robbing Fort Knox, Tax Reform

Obama Finishes Deal To Get Every American A Free Parrot

Obama Finally Tells Rambling Tom Vilsack To Shut The Fuck Up During Cabinet Meeting

Obama Befriends Rich Elderly Widow In Hopes She'll Put Nation In Her Will

Obama Makes It Through Another Day Of Resisting Urge To Launch All U.S. Nuclear Weapons At Once

Obama, Tennessee Titans Have No Clue Why Team Invited To White House

Obama's Aunt Sends Him Article Mentioning United States

Obama Sort Of Freaked Out After Not Receiving Single E-Mail, Phone Call For Entire Day

Obama: Debt Ceiling Deal Required Tough Concessions By Both Democrats And Democrats Alike

Obama Begs U.S. Not To Embarrass Him In Front Of French (Season 1: Ep 8 on IFC) 

Obama Turns 50 Despite Republican Opposition

Obama: Debt Ceiling Deal A Prime Example Of Democrats And Democrats Sacrificing For The Greater Good

New GOP Strategy Involves Reelecting Obama, Making His Life Even More Miserable

Obama Proposes Tax Increase On Meanest 2% Of Population

GOP Supports Obama For 2012: 'We Need More Time To Completely Ruin His Life'

Obama Earns Money For U.S. By Appearing In Japanese Television Commercial

House Condescendingly Approves $400 In Added Stimulus

Obama Visits South-Carolina-Ravaged South Carolina

Obama Accidentally Seated Next To Taliban Leader At Tense White House State Dinner

Obama Not Sure How To Handle Compliment

Obama Seeks Approval Of 'Occupy Wall Street' Protestors By Punching Banker In The Face

Obama Publishes Tell-All Book About America

Obama Now Attempting To Get Each Word Of Jobs Bill Passed Individually

In Major Gaffe, Obama Forgets To Dumb It Down

Handmade Anti-Obama Sign Currently Frontrunner For Republican Presidential Nomination

Obama Openly Asks Nation Why On Earth He Would Want To Serve For Another Term

Obama Spends Wednesday Doing Some Urgings, Some Callings On

President Obama Wondering Why He Always Has To Initiate Phone Call With NCAA Champions

Critics Slam Obama For "Just Standing There" During Photo Op

Obama Begins State Of The Union By Asking Congress To Imagine Newt Gingrich Standing Before Them

Embarrassed Steven Chu Accidentally Calls Barack Obama ‘Dad’ In Cabinet Meeting

Obama Criticized For Living In Lavish Mansion While Most Americans Struggle To Make Ends Meet

New Photos Reveal Stress Of Obama's First Term In Office Has Rapidly Aged Americans

Obama Begs Voters Not To Make His Daughters Switch Schools

Obama Urges Citizens To Hide Evidence Of Our Formerly Prosperous Lives From Nation's Young Children

Obama: No Option Off The Table Except Snatching Iran's Leaders With Hook Lowered From Plane And Flying Them To Washington

Obama Waiting For Perfect Moment To Walk By White House Tour Group

Backup Health Care Plan Involves Nation Sharing One Big Jar Of Ointment

Democrats: Obama Has Dicked Us Around For Four Years, Now It's Our Turn

Obama Launches More Realistic 'I Have Big Ideas But We'll See How It Goes' Campaign Slogan

Obama's Approval Rating Down After Photos Surface Of Him Eating Big Sandwich All Alone

Obama Asks Staff To Try To Include National Security Adviser A Little More

Obama Blasts Obama's Evasive Stance On Gay Marriage

Republicans Stalling Obama's Agenda By Speaking, Moving In Slow Motion

Obama Slips 'Hope' Into Speech For The Fans

Obama Pledges To Repeal Health Care Law If Reelected

Michelle Obama Powers Through Another Day Of Doing Half-Assed Jumping Jacks In Middle School Gym

Holy Shit, I Just Realized People Want To Kill My Dad

Sasha Obama

Area Family Awakes To Find Michelle Obama Tending Backyard Garden

Now That Man Has Heard About Barack Obama, He Sees References To Him All Over The Place

'Romney Murdered JonBenét Ramsey,' New Obama Campaign Ad Alleges

Obama Starring In New Judd Apatow Comedy To Appeal To Younger Voters

Obama Up Early Cooking Breakfast In One Of Michelle's Extra Long T-Shirts

College Newspaper Endorses Barack Obama

Good Evening, It's An Honor To Be Used As A Political Prop By My Husband's Campaign

Michelle Obama

First Lady Of The United States

Unemployed Man Who Had To Move Back In With His Parents Still For Obama

Obama's 19-Year-Old Son Makes Rare Appearance At DNC

Obama: 'Help Us Destroy Jesus And Start A New Age Of Liberal Darkness'

White House Officials Confirm Malia Obama Now Seven Feet, Nine Inches Tall

Gallup Poll: Rural Whites Prefer Ahmadinejad To Obama

Obama Unsure How To Turn Huge Support Among Women, Latinos, Gays, African-Americans Into Electoral Victory

Obama Camp Vows To Win Neighborhoods Where Romney Staffers Are Too Afraid To Go

Obama Makes Surprise Visit To Quantum-Branching Multiverse On Alternate Hyperdimensional Plane

Obama Hoping Jim Lehrer Doesn't Bring Up U.S. Economy

Sasha Obama Asks Father Why He Was Acting Like Such A Pussy During Debate

Obama Excited To Participate In First Debate

Debate Cut Short As Lantern Fire Burns Down Ol' Town Hall

Bruce Springsteen Accidentally Plays 'Big Government's Stealin' Our Livelihood' At Obama Rally

Weeping Obama Breaks Down, Admits Bin Laden Still Alive And Out There Somewhere

Obama Takes Out Romney With Mid-Debate Drone Attack

I Mean, If I Lose To Mitt Romney, I'll Probably Kill Myself

Barack Obama

This May Not Be The Ideal Moment Politically, But It’s Time To Talk Reparations

Barack Obama

Obama Announces We Are Invading Iran Right Now

Obama, Romney Remain About Equally Powerful

Defeated Man Victorious

After Obama Victory, Shrieking White-Hot Sphere Of Pure Rage Early GOP Front-Runner For 2016

Obama A Little Creeped Out By How Much Everyone In Kenya Celebrating Reelection Victory

Obama: 'Second Term Will Be Like Breaking Bad Times Homeland Plus The Sopranos'

Obama: 'I Will Allow 10 States To Secede, But No More'

Obama Paranoid Government Coming For His Guns

GOP: We'll Accept Higher Taxes If President Obama Gives Us His Dog

Air Force One Pilot Invites Excited Obama Into Cockpit

Obama Begins Inauguration Festivities With Ceremonial Drone Flyover

Hungover Michelle Obama Packs Leftover Inaugural Ball Hors D'oeuvres Into Sasha’s Lunch Box

Michelle Obama Not So Keen On President's New Bangs

Bo Obama Receives Visiting Dognitaries From Furuguay

Look, I'm Just Going To Say It: I Collect Antique Nazi Memorabilia

Barack Obama

Obama Blanks On What He's Ineffectually Urging Congress To Take Action On Now

Photojournalist Spends Month In Oval Office Blind To Capture Images Of Obama In Natural Habitat

Sweating Obama Admits Drone Strikes Have Been Happening On Their Own

Expansive Obama State Of The Union Speech To Touch On Patent Law, Entomology, The Films Of Robert Altman

Completely Self-Absorbed Obama Gets Up And Just Talks For An Hour Straight

Obama, Congress Must Reach Deal On Budget By March 1, And Then April 1, And Then April 20, And Then April 28, And Then May 1

Look, It’s Come Down To This: Either I Have To Murder John Boehner Or He Has To Murder Me

Barack Obama

‘You’re My Best Friend,’ Says Obama To Drone That Appears Outside Bedroom Window Every Night

'This Is A Pointless Trip,' Obama Says While Shaking Hands With Netanyahu

Obama Sarcastically Asks How Israel Afforded Such A Great Missile Defense System

Obama, Rachel Goldstein Really Hitting It Off On Group Trip To Israel

Palestinians, Israelis Come Together To Mock Obama's Hopelessly Naive Speech

President Personally Performs First Obamacare Euthanization

'Syrians' Lives Are Worthless,' Obama Tells Daughters Before Kissing Them Goodnight

Obama Orders Reinvasion Of Iraq After Illuminating Trip Through Bush Presidential Library

'Fuck You,' Obama Says In Hilarious Correspondents' Dinner Speech

Obama Explains How They Get All Those Cars On The Back Of One Of Those Trucks

Obama Speechwriters Unsure How They’d Praise Fort Lauderdale In Event Of Tragedy

Michelle Obama Shutters 'Let's Move!' Program After Failed 3-Year Run

Sasha Obama Suspicious After Doing A Little Digging Around On Benghazi

Obama Supporter Has Perfectly Improbable Explanation Absolving President From Blame For Scandals

The Onion Urges Barack Obama To Come Clean About The Basilisk Project

Nation Supposes It's Outraged By White House Scandals

Obama Fondly Recalls Frustration Of First Term

Obama Fed Grapes While Urging Press Conference To Enjoy Orgy

Obama Aims To Limit Civilian Casualties With Switch To Taser Drones

Tecmo Bowl–Winning Bulldogs Visit White House

19 Tweets From The Audubon Society/Barack Obama Twitter Feud

Obama Takes Excited Daughters Out For Day Of Drone-Watching

Obama Administration Releases Nation’s Phone Records To Public

Michelle Obama Seen Outside Walking Family Rhinoceros

Sometimes When Things Get Really Stressful, I Close My Eyes, Sit Back, And Pretend I’m Back In Kenya

Barack Obama

Michelle Obama Finally Gets Around To Reading ‘Dreams From My Father’

Tiny Advisor Who Lived In Obama’s Ear Dead At 83

Obama Not Sure How To Tell Nation This, But He Ran Over Jimmy Carter With Car Last Night

Psychiatrist Patiently Listens To Obama Complain About Every Single American

Obama Family Adopts 44-Year-Old Portuguese Water Man

Obama Deeply Concerned After Syrians Gassed To Death On White House Lawn

Obama Weighing His Syria Option

Obama Throws Up Right There During Syria Meeting

Obama Assures Americans This Will Not Be Another 1456 Ottoman Siege Of Belgrade

Obama Meets With Nation’s Schizophrenic Voices To Urge Less Violence

Man Who Understands 8% Of Obamacare Vigorously Defends It From Man Who Understands 5%

Tea Party Leaders Announce Support For Deal In Exchange For Malia Obama

Michelle Obama Opens Up In ‘Marie Claire’: ‘Our Sex Life Has Never Been More Open, More Experimental, More Generous’

High-Powered Washington Fixer Tells Blood-Soaked Obama To Listen Carefully

Obamacare Helps Uninsured Americans Become Blindingly Enraged At Insurance Companies

Obama Announces Start Of Annual D.C. Spooktacular

Folks, We Don't Usually Do This On The White House Tour, But Let's Go Tickle The President

John DeMarco

Obama Has That Sex Dream About Nation Again

Terrified Obama Trapped Inside Healthcare.gov Website

White House Announces Sasha Obama To Now Be Played By Britney Watkins

Obama Not Ruling Out U.S. Military Action In Congress

Aides Advise Obama To Avoid Any Mention Of America During State Of The Union Speech

Obama Throws Small Business Owner Into Seat, Tells Him To Just Smile And Keep His Fucking Mouth Shut

Obama Admits U.S. Hasn’t Been The Same Since Buddy Holly Died

Obama Spends Afternoon In Garage Restoring Classic Drone

White House Sends Obama To 3-Day Management Seminar At Washington Marriott

Obama Spends Another Night Searching Behind White House Paintings For Safes

Should Obama Blow The Silver Horn The Founding Fathers Left In Case The Country Ever Needed Them?

Obama Already Knows Who He’s Going To Tear Apart In Memoir

Obama Narrowly Misses Quarterly Performance Bonus

Obama Always Freaked Out By People Standing Above Him Smiling Whenever He Signs Bill

Obama To Cut Costs By Packing Lunch Every Day For U.S. Populace

Michelle Obama Can Still Hear Their Little Labored Breaths When She Closes Her Eyes

Obama: Iraq Airstrikes Not Slippery Slope To Other Humanitarian Interventions

Obama Has Colorado Appraised

Obama To Assure Nation That ISIS Campaign Will Be Drawn-Out Ordeal They’re Used To

Obama Vows To Split ISIS Into Dozens Of Extremist Splinter Groups

Obama Sleeping With Louisville Slugger Under Bed Now

Obama Informs Nation Anarchy Will Reign During Search For New Attorney General

Obama Currently Being Chased In Background Of Secret Service Hearing

Crowd Outside White House Hoping To Catch Glimpse Of President Naked

Morbidly Curious Nation Wondering How Far Obama’s Appearance Will Deteriorate In 2 Years

Presidential Castrato Brought Into Oval Office To Soothe Obama’s Nerves

Obama Calls For Turret-Mounted Video Cameras On All Police Tanks

Michelle Obama Quietly Reassigned To Department Of Agriculture After Butting Heads With President

White House Running Out Of Paintings To Cover Spots Where Obama Has Punched Through Wall

‘Well, Here’s What Won’t Pass,’ Obama Says Before Listing 35 Proposals

‘You Are Not Your Job,’ Obama Reminds Himself Throughout Shower

Raytheon CEO Sends Obama Another Article About Mounting Unrest In Libya

Netanyahu Doubles Down Against Obama With PowerPoint On Perils Of Affordable Care Act

Relieved Malia Obama Quietly Thanks Secret Service Agents For Taking Rap For Her

Michelle Obama Renovates Van Buren Workout Room

Obama Fantasizes About Ordering Drone Strike Against Self On Last Day Of Presidency

Architect Presents Obama With Generic Options For War Memorial That Could Work For Syria, Libya, Yemen

Obama Lays Out Plan To Achieve Lasting Peace Talks In Middle East

Obama Still Hasn’t Figured Out How To Adjust Height Of Oval Office Desk Chair

Bloated Obama Delivers Press Conference From Couch Behind Podium

Obama Practices Defiant Speech To Aliens Late At Night Behind Oval Office Desk

Poll: 89% Of Americans Believe Obama Has Failed To Bring America Closer To Celestial Utopia Of Endless Pleasure

Obamas Decide To Stay In White House Until Daughters Finish High School

Obama Hosts Diplomatic Talks At Starbucks While Oval Office Carpet Cleaned

Obama Scrambling Around White House Kitchen Before State Dinner

Man Can’t Believe Obama Would Use Tragedy To Push Anti-Tragedy Agenda

Report: Increase In Gun Sales To Be Most Concrete Result Of Obama’s Pro-Gun-Control Speech

Obama Returns From Trade Summit With 5 Stout Ships Full Of Cardamom, Silk, And Indigo

Obama Follows White Stallion Into Moonlit Rose Garden

Desperate Obama Just Wants To Know Who To Give Weapons To In Order To Stop ISIS

Obama Increases Sense Of Urgency By Riding Last White Rhino On Earth Through Climate Talk

Obama Returns From Paris Climate Talks With Couple Energy-Efficient Light Bulbs

Budget-Conscious Obamas Strongly Pushing Malia Toward UDC Community College

Nation Shudders To Think How Mad NRA Would Be If Obama Actually Proposed Meaningful Gun Control

White House Carefully Screening Any Gun Control Town Hall Questions That Address Obama As ‘Mein Führer’

Obama Praises Own Strength, Resilience In Face Of Hardship During State Of The Union

Obama Gently Guides Michelle’s Hand As She Maneuvers Drone Joystick

Parallel World Leaders Meet In Washington For Interdimensional Summit

Obama Resigns From Presidency After Michelle Lands Dream Job In Seattle

Obama Compiles Shortlist Of Gay, Transsexual Abortion Doctors To Replace Scalia

Obama Tells Nation To Just Chalk Up Today As Loss

Obama Transformed Into 20-Foot-Tall Monster President After Being Doused With Job-Growth Chemical

Obama Finally Reveals Nature Of His Work To Daughters

Obama Receives Classified Briefing On Likelihood Of ‘Krull’ Reboot

U.S.–Cuba Relations End After Obama Hit By Foul Ball At Exhibition Baseball Game

Obama Announces Plan To Store Nation’s Extra Stuff In Large Plastic Crate

Obama Caught Trying To Jump White House Fence

Obama Reminds Nation That He’s Taking Personal Day Next Friday

Busy Obama Sends Drone To Pick Up Sasha From School

U.S. Loses U.N. Membership After Soapy Bo Obama Jumps Up On Secretary-General

Disney Begins Uploading Obama’s Consciousness To Hall Of Presidents Robot

Obama Discovers Telepathic Connection With Military Drone In Afghanistan

Frustrated Obama Writes Letter To His Congressman About Need For Gun Control

Obama Signs Conservation Act To Preserve Nation’s Last Remaining Area Of Common Ground

Michelle Obama: ‘Well, There Are 8 Years Of My Life I’ll Never Get Back’

Obama: ‘Hillary Will Fight To Protect My Legacy, Even The Truly Detestable Parts’

Obama Holds Camp David Summit To Ease Tensions With Coyotes

Obama Clears 2,000 Square Miles Of U.S. Airspace For New Free-Range Drone Preserve

Michelle Obama Throws Out A Bunch Of Barack’s Old Number 44 Jerseys

Sunny Saves Bo From Mountain Lion During Cross-Country Journey To Reunite With Obamas

Obama Finally Fulfills Campaign Promise To Spend One Night In Abandoned Amusement Park