There exist over 16,037 parallel realities where he is a prison warden

Believes current tax code is too confusing for corporations to find loopholes in

Still determining what role fear could play in this issue

Wishes it the best

Proud owner of heterosexual wife and two heterosexual children

Promises to tear up the Iran deal slower and more theatrically than any other candidate

Has repeatedly stood up to the powerful and influential victims of gun violence

Thinks big government has no right to get in the way of Death's relentless approach

Extra-spiky border wall

Has always fought to protect women's purity and inherent delicacy