Best Of November 2016

1. 
   Millions Of Drunk Cubs Fans Rioting In Heaven Following World Series Win

   
2. 
   Area Liberal No Longer Recognizes Fanciful, Wildly Inaccurate Mental Picture Of Country He Lives In

   
3. 
   Disappointed First-Time Voter Thought He Was Going To Get To Pull Big Lever

   
4. 
   Nation Throws Off Tyrannical Yoke Of Moderate Respect For Women

   
5. 
   DNC Aiming To Reconnect With Working-Class Americans With New ‘Hamilton’-Inspired Lena Dunham Web Series

   

1. 
   Accidentally Closing Browser Window With 23 Tabs Open Presents Rare Chance At New Life

   
2. 
   Area Man Considers Self Ally To Women Unless They Threaten His Status In Literally Any Way

   
3. 
   Nation Puts 2016 Election Into Perspective By Reminding Itself Some Species Of Sea Turtles Get Eaten By Birds Just Seconds After They Hatch

   
4. 
   Biden Forges President’s Signature On Executive Order To Make December Dokken History Month

   
5. 
   Deep-Sea Godiva Rig Taps World’s Largest Offshore Ganache Deposit

   

1. 
   God Weirded Out By Christian Who Loves Him After Only Month In Church

   
2. 
   Surgeon General Recommends Exercising Once Every Several Months During Flash Of Panic About Health